You are very smart to know that not all abortion providers are alike, just as in any field. The first thing you might want to do is to get a referral from someone you trust, such as your doctor or family planning clinic. Next, be certain that the provider is a member of one of the national organizations, such as the National Coalition of Abortion Providers (www.ncap.com) or the National Abortion Federation (www.prochoice.org). A yellow page ad is not a guarantee of quality service! Try to get the name of the physician before your appointment so that you can do a web check. Is the doctor board-certified in ob-gyn? Lastly, call the clinic. Are their fees suspiciously lower than the others? How does the staff sound? Are they knowledgeable, friendly, willing to take their time with you? Do they offer counseling afterwards should you or your partner want to come in to talk? Is there a fee for this counseling?
Women have their choice of type of abortion only before nine weeks. They can choose either the abortion pill or aspiration abortion. After nine weeks, the type of procedure is determined by the doctor for optimal safety. A good source of information is www.pregnancyoptions.info. Individual websites from the clinic themselves can provide you with more information about their offerings.
Having someone with you during counseling, the procedure, or recovery is an option that only some clinics offer. If this is important to you, be sure to call and ask before making your appointment. You have the final word on who else is in the room with you.
Most women do have cramps during the procedure, and sometimes they can get bad, but most abortions take only five minutes and the cramps do begin to go away shortly afterwards. Many clinics offer a variety of pain control, from just a local anesthetic that would numb the cervix alone, to IV sedation in which she is in a twilight sleep, to full general anesthesia. Each method of pain control has advantages and disadvantages. Ask your provider which methods of pain control they offer.
A quality provider will send each patient home with a list of instructions as well as how to get in touch with them should you have any questions or concerns. Choosing a clinic with 24/7 answering service will do a lot to ease your mind. You can expect that you will actually feel quite well physically, but you may have cramps that are easily treated by ibuprofen.
We will review all methods of birth control with you. We will send you home with a free starter pack of birth control pills, the ring or the patch if you wish. Or, if you want the Depo Provera shot, please let us know at the time you make your appointment, and we can tell you what it will cost.
Because of the danger of infection, you will want to wait at least two weeks. Also, using condoms may be necessary until the chosen method of birth control is fully functioning, which could mean a bit more than two weeks.
The first thing you can ask for is for someone to read over the instruction sheet carefully as soon as you get home. Also, you can ask your support person/s to be sure that you have ibuprofen, Advil or Motrin, sanitary pads, and condoms at home. Extras include a ThermaCare heat patch, DVD’s, and warm fluids. You will probably need more reassurance from a partner and to know that he cares, do don't be afraid to ask for it. Hugs and hand holding can a great help too.
There are many possible emotional responses after an abortion. First and foremost is relief. But it is not unusual for women to also have feelings of sadness. After all, there will have been a loss. As time goes on, most women experience more relief and less sadness. As time goes on, you should be able to resume her normal life with less sadness.
The following are signs for you to notice. If you are having sleep disturbances, meaning you can’t sleep or you can’t wake up, it could be a sign that you are having trouble coping. Also, if your normal eating patterns have changed, or if you feel sadness that is not going away, guilt that is not going away, or if you are continuing to worry if you did the right thing, it may be a good idea for you to call your provider to see if they offer counseling afterwards or if they can refer you to someone in your community.
Abortion can be one of the most difficult issues a couple has to face. The two of you might have different feelings about the decision. You might not be in agreement. Feelings of hurt can last a long time, shaking the foundation of the relationship. Men sometimes feel as though the decision is a reflection on them, that they are not a good provider. Or, if you are having an easier time than your partner, he may think you don't care about him. The best way to handle this is to keep talking with one another, and keep listening too, so that each of you hears how the other is feeling. Resources such as www.peaceafterabortion.com might be helpful for both of you. A list of links follows this section.
Many people, both individuals and couples, do create some personal way to put the pregnancy to rest. Whether you think of it as a child or not, you probably still want to treat the pregnancy with respect. You can do something as simple as lighting a candle to something more complicated like creating a whole ceremony. Our own culture in the US has a variety of funeral rituals and borrowing from one of them may be just what you are looking for. On the other hand, you may want to create your own way of saying good-bye. The section called “Feelings: Healing Afterwards” in www.pregnancyoptions.info may be of help because it includes some rituals from other cultures as well as some personal rituals that other people in this situation have told us about. Click here for Promoting Spiritual Health.
There are some things in life that only begin to make sense when you experience them first hand. You have probably heard the old saying that you don’t know what it’s like for the other person until you walk in their shoes. This is a perfect example of that. Hopefully, you have learned some things about life from this experience and you will be more compassionate toward others as they too make difficult choices in their lives. There are many good people, even religious people, who believe that it is morally right to bring life into this world only when you can best be responsible for it. You would only be a hypocrite if you went along with the abortion in your situation but continued to believe it was wrong for others.
Many Christian ministers point out that “a sin is a sin”. No one sin is more or less forgivable than another. When God created us, he did not expect us to be perfect. Also, he knows your heart. He knows that no one ever really wants to have an abortion, but that sometimes it seems to be for the best if you cannot provide the kind of life you want your child or children to have. While it is true that abortion is the ending of a potential life, many pastors, doctors, and religions do not view it as “murder”. God knows that your decision to participate in an abortion was not being done out of malice or hatred, but rather out of love and after deep reflection.
There are some things in life that only begin to make sense when you experience them first hand. You have probably heard the old saying that you don’t know what it’s like for the other person until you walk in their shoes. This is a perfect example of that. Hopefully, you have learned some things about life from this experience and you will be more compassionate toward others as they too make difficult choices in their lives. There are many good people, even religious people, who believe that it is morally right to bring life into this world only when you can best be responsible for it. You would only be a hypocrite if you went along with the abortion in your situation but continued to believe it was wrong for others.
Claire Keyes, Allegheny Reproductive Health Center, Pittsburgh, PA
Ann Baker, Hope Clinic, Graniite City, IL